I got ready to plunge in…
I got ready to plunge in...DIVE in. And then suddenly, I felt scared. Even though I was sticky and dirty and aching for the sweet wash of the lake on my skin, I was afraid to jump in. It was dark. I was alone. What if something happened and no one was there to help? And even a ridiculous fear...it’s so dark under the surface. What could be under there? Yes, Really! That came up too!
It took me 5 whole minutes to stand there and build up courage. Even though I knew I didn’t want to feel dirty and grungy anymore, it felt safer to stand there than to dive into the “unknown” in the dark lake. Despite knowing that beyond my fears, it was truly going to feel amazing.
What a perfect analogy to our stepping into the unknown...our taking those leaps of faith. It seems the fight or flight kicks in...even finds silly fears to hang onto as reasons not to dive in (like a dangerous underwater lake beaver?!)
I had to breathe deep. Right down into my belly. I met my Centre. And then I made a choice. I didn’t just jump in at the edge. I jumped in and swam right to the centre of the lake.
I went for it.
But in that moment when I reached the centre, I actually got scared again. Yup...facing our fears isn’t always a one step moment.
As I was starting to panic a little...a small boat came out from the reeds. A late night lone fishing rowboat. Far away, yet just what I needed to feel I wasn’t alone. I watched the boat, found my ease again, and swam quietly back to the dock...both the rowboat and me gently splashing in the evening of the lake.
The brave journey of Self is like this. These deep dives will sometimes feel lonely. You may have to even go it “alone” at times as family and friends may not always understand your next steps, especially if you are just learning them yourself! And...the centre is there. And can we trust that someone, or something, is always there to hold onto as a bit of a life raft as needed. Or perhaps just even to know it’s there might be enough…
For me, I’ve come to learn that a group coming together simply to explore these human truths, and explore a practice together, can be that boat on the lake. We don’t need to swim for one another, or even do much at all! But sharing the lake, being in our own practice, and yet there to remind one another we are certainly not alone...and that all is ever so well...is profound.
Sometimes we can’t go far on “retreat”…yet we can bring the elements of retreat into our everyday if we wish. This week, each day of the week, find one moment where you feel “off centre”...perhaps in a pushing an edge, perhaps simply because you are tired or feeling full, perhaps in a frustrating interaction with someone-…
Then move it with a practice in that same day that supports you to find your centre. It doesn’t have to be right then. It can be somewhere else in the day. Perhaps pull from a practice you study, or one you’ve heard about recently. Maybe explore a tantric response…leaning into the sensations of a moment to bring you deeply into your sensual body so as to land in centred presence. Or simply breath…or move gently…or rest….
I wish you well on your “retreat“…good luck! We are in this together. Namaste 😉
Amy Haysom
Amy is the founder and owner of Spirit of Adventure.
She is committed to finding the connections between our yoga practice and our relationships with one another, as well as with the natural world.
